Dear Andrea:
So, it looks like we have finally come to the time in your life when you want to have a romantic relationship with someone. Thanks for asking for my permission to enter the dating world. You have my blessing but on one condition. You must be sure you are ready for marriage and children for this is the ultimate purpose behind dating. Being 15 years old, biologically you are definitely ready for this vocation. However, if you are not ready for marriage and family, I don’t believe dating at your age makes any sense.
The thing we are talking about is love. In America Love is a blurry thing that defaults to attraction and lust. According to the ancient Greeks, there are 6 kinds of love:
Philia: affectionate regard or friendship
Éros: sexual passion
Agápe: charity; the love of God for man and of man for a good God
Storge: tenderness, love, affection like parents and children
Pragma, which is a model of love as two people may demonstrate during a lengthy marriage
Phis uphillautia, which is self love (not to be confused with self centeredness)
For young people, the form of love we are talking about is usually rooted in eros or sexual passion or an attraction based on physical intent.
I understand that for modern young people dating very young has become common place. Dating is a sort of entitlement or a right of passage. This usually begins with superficial physical attraction, which leads to infatuation and even obsession, which always leads to physical intimacy. Although you may not be thinking about the sex part, I promise you this is in you, and that the boy will have this as his primary hope. The end result for 99% of these youthful relationships end in regret and a very broken heart, at which time the world will feel like it is coming to an end. I know this because I experienced this when I was young. No one taught me about love and relationship, and the culture around me encouraged random dating without intent. I wish I knew better.
For the most part, the idea of kids having romantic relationships is unheard of in history. Both “civilized” cultures as well as “primitive” cultures had very strict social boundaries around courting and marriage, and for very good reasons. Historically romantic relationships resulted in families, which was the core of the community. Marriage and family has always been sacred until recent times.
Fast forward to today. Marriage and family is not sacred. Relationships are temporary arrangements to satisfy ones’ personal emotional and physical desires. Relationships are easily terminated when one is tired of it or wants to move on to the next empty desire. This is the model of love that is represented in modern music, TV shows and movies. Because this is promoted in media, young people believe this empty form or youthful relationship is normal or common. It is common for people to go through many partners, many sexual situations, and many broken hearts, and in the end these desires are never satisfied. We are left empty and sad.
I believe the devastation of the modern family starts right here. Kids wanting to dabble in adult relationships and sex, when they are way too immature and totally unprepared for the results.
Because I love you, I tell you to avoid intimate relationships until you are older. I promise this is the best thing for you. Now is not the time to get distracted by a romantic relationship at a very young age. Please remain focused on developing healthy relationships with friends and remain focused on being spiritually and emotionally healthy, and focus on your school work. I believe in you! I believe you can become a great woman and contribute great things to the world.
I love you,
Dad