Self Examination
Self-examination is taking a moral inventory of our thoughts, words and actions, on a daily basis. This is how we exercise and tune our conscience. In this method we are constantly reflecting, seeing, admitting, and facing our sins and sinful inclinations both small and great. Honest and constant self-reflection is the only way to make progress. This requires courage and the will to change.
This process should be taking place throughout the day, as we interact with people and events, and as thoughts and feeling arise. It is also a good habit to end the day with an overall assessment of the events of the day. In the small things we will see that adjustments can be made with our attitudes and behaviors. In the bigger things, we can see if progress is being made towards dissolving the passion or habit that is at the forefront of our struggles.
As we integrate self-examination into our daily life, we will notice these areas of improvement, and then apply the appropriate virtues. In the beginning this method requires deliberate attention, but over time this process becomes automated. This is the fine tuning of the soul to God. It is similar to the musician tuning her instrument. Initially, the sound is off and even abrasive. But as the musician makes the necessary adjustments, the instrument then can produce exceptional and inspiring sounds.
Determining areas of improvement can be difficult in the beginning, because most of us unskilled at self-examination due to lake of understanding of this in culture and society in general. For most of us, we were never taught how to be still for a moment, block all the distractions and thoughts, and enter self-awareness, so as to see inside the soul. As mentioned before, the health of the soul is not valued much these days. Therefore, we must be patient with ourselves as we learn this method.
Through an introspective consideration of one’s own thoughts, desires, actions and emotions, our sins and passions will slowly come to the surface. Only then can look our mistakes square in the eyes and, as St. John Chrysostom says, condemn them, “for he who condemns his sins is slower to fall into them again.”
The passion that is the most glaringly obvious is that habit that causes us the most suffering or grief. This is the one demon that may require special attention in warfare. Usually, this demon is obvious. However, for some who are numbed or blinded by captivity to a passion, this may not be so obvious. The Here’s what Lorenzo Scupoli recommends in Unseen Warfare:
The order in which it is necessary to fight your enemies and struggle with your bad desires and passions, is the following: enter with attention into the heart and examine carefully with what thoughts, dispositions and passionate attachments it is specially occupied, and which passion is most predominant and tyrannically rules there. Then against this passion first of all take up arms and struggle to overcome it.
If we notice we tell ourselves that a sin is mostly benign or “not that big of a deal,” this is an indication of the opposite. We must be careful to not trick ourselves out of repentance.
Lastly, with daily self-examination, it is beneficial to see the good of the day. It is helpful to acknowledge the moments when progress was made in the greater struggles, or in the smaller instances. There is no need to dwell here, as we don’t want to let pride ruin the victory. But it is acceptable to acknowledge that progress is happening. Know that God sees all things, and is connected to your spiritual accomplishments, and that He administers his grace to you along the way.